Take a Step of Faith: Stop Walking

I thought I was good at taking steps of faith.

You see, I have somewhat of a go-getter personality. In high school, you would be hard-pressed to find something that I wasn't involved in: sports, music, academics, student government. I was the most comfortable when I was competing, or leading a group, or taking tests. I would never say "no" when someone asked me to get involved in yet another group or team, because being busy gave my life purpose. And, as a bonus, because most of the things I was involved in were directly connected to my Christian school or church, everything I was doing was for God, right? Steps of faith.

I recently realized, however, that when God calls me to take steps of faith, He wants me to stop walking.

Lately, when I've been looking ahead to my future--my schooling, my career, my friendships, my love life (or lack thereof)--I've come away from the time of contemplation with a sense of fear and uncertainty. To deal with the fear of the unknown, I've thrown myself into more and more of the familiar. Join more sports teams. Take more classes. Make more friends. Search and search for someone who could be a potential mate and invest myself fully into that person--and pick up the broken pieces of my heart when everything fell apart. I convinced myself that trying to pre-plan every aspect of my future would take away that fear that so consumed me and put in its place a sense of peace that God would provide for me--as long as I took the necessary steps to weave a safety net, just in case He fell through, too.

That safety net has robbed me of all my peace.

Every "step of faith" I've taken has been completely absent of faith, but powered by my own will, my own plan. Me. Even though where I'm comfortable is in busyness and overachievement, the steps I've taken have led me further and further away from the place where Jesus calls me to walk. That safety net I've created for myself has tangled about my feet, preventing me from taking a simple step of true faith. 

I'm reminded of Peter, when Jesus called him to take an ultimate step of faith: walk on water. When Peter left the boat and his gnarly fisherman's toes touched the stormy sea, the only thing keeping him from swimming with the fishes was his faith in Jesus. Jesus' power lasted only as long as Peter took steps of faith. But Peter, impetuous as always, began to take steps on his own. He had initiative. He was a go-getter, an overachiever. He was accomplishing something for God by walking towards Jesus and showing the other disciples how it's done. But none of those things were powerful enough to keep him above the waves.

And now, as I'm choking on the seawater of my own initiative, my own pride, I've decided that I'm going to stop walking.

I'm going to let Christ direct my steps. I'm going to let Christ calm the storm and give my feet the supernatural ability to walk on water, defying everything I could have planned for myself in order to teach me more about who He is.

Instead, I'm going to listen. Stop searching for love, stop trying to please everyone around me, stop burying myself in my schoolwork or sports to hide from my problems. Stop taking steps.

And listen.

Perhaps, once I quiet the sound of my pounding feet, running in the direction I've chosen, I can hear His still, small voice whisper, "Walk."

And by His grace, I will.